Building Resilience in Neurodiverse Families.

In the complex details of family life, each member contributes to the unique pattern of experiences, challenges, and successes. For neurodiverse families, the family dynamic has a spectrum of strengths and challenges, creating a rich and dynamic family flow! Building resilience becomes a essential for navigating the ups and downs, of which there are many, fostering positive relationships, and ensuring the overall well-being of every family member.

Understanding Neurodiverse Families:
Neurodiverse families have a range of profiles, including individuals with conditions such as ASD, ADHD, or SPD. While each member brings their own set of strengths and challenges, the collective experience is an opportunity for growth, understanding, and shared resilience.

They Sure Are Unique!
Resilience in neurodiverse families begins with embracing the uniqueness of each family member. Recognising and celebrating individual strengths builds a foundation of acceptance and appreciation. Instead of focusing solely on challenges, shift the narrative to highlight the diverse talents and abilities that make each family member extraordinary.  Sometimes this is easy, sometimes this is difficult, acknowledge that, but try to revert to their strengths always, for your own wellbeing and for their growth as little people.  This can be challenging, I know!  But the little people in your life need you to be their positive advocate, always.

Fostering Positive Communication:
Communication lies at the heart of resilient families. In neurodiverse families, where individuals may have diverse communication styles, fostering effective and open communication is paramount. Encourage active listening, promote the use of visual aids or alternative communication methods, and create an environment where every voice is heard and valued.  Use dot points, whiteboards, pictures, flow charts where possible to minimise confusion and easy understanding.

Cultivating Flexibility:
Flexibility is a key component of resilience. Neurodiverse families often encounter unexpected changes or shifts in routine, and the ability to adapt is crucial. Cultivate flexibility by introducing visual schedules, preparing for transitions, and maintaining open communication about any changes. This helps create a sense of predictability within a flexible framework.  Talk about your experiences of change and how you cope with change.  Sometimes these kiddos need to be taught how to have self-talk in a positive way, for example, “I really struggle with unexpected changes like when my workmate is away and I have no one to talk to.  I know it’s because I feel lonely and I miss them”.  This can help kids to understand their own feelings when their friend is away from school and why the change feels uncomfortable.

Providing Structure and Routine:
While flexibility is essential, so is the establishment of structure and routine. Many neurodiverse individuals find comfort and security in a structured environment. Establishing predictable routines can reduce anxiety, enhance communication, and create a stable foundation for the entire family.  This can be difficult to achieve if one or both of the parents are neurodiverse and struggle with the executive functioning components of actually creating and keeping a routine.

Building a Supportive Network:
Resilience is not built in isolation. Developing a supportive network is crucial for neurodiverse families. Connect with local and online communities, support groups, and organisations that specialise in neurodiversity. Sharing experiences, resources, and advice creates a sense of belonging and reinforces the understanding that you are not alone on this journey.  This can be very challenging, and at the start can create a ‘more trouble than it’s worth’ feeling – if you can persist and find communities that are easier to build into your day to day life, it’ll be more manageable to stick to it.  But don’t give up.  Networks aren’t built in isolation.

Promoting Self-Care:
Resilience starts with self-care. Family members, especially caregivers, need to prioritize their well-being. Recognise the signs of burnout, seek support when needed, and carve out moments for self-care. A well-nurtured caregiver is better equipped to provide the support and resilience the entire family requires.

Encouraging Independence:
Fostering independence in neurodiverse family members can be uncomfortable but is a powerful way to build resilience. Tailor expectations to individual abilities, encourage autonomy in daily tasks, and celebrate achievements, no matter how small!! Empowering each family member to embrace their independence contributes to a resilient and confident family unit that doesn’t solely rely on one / both adults.

Learning and Growing Together:
Resilience is an ongoing process of learning and growing together. Take the opportunity to educate family members about neurodiversity, promote empathy, and create an environment where questions are welcomed. Learning together fosters understanding, breaks down stereotypes, and strengthens the family bond.  You can also have an opportunity to laugh at yourself!  This not only leaves you vulnerable and open to someone else in your family laughing at you, it creates a sense of fun and demonstrates to the kids and even other adults that EVERYONE makes mistakes, everyone learns and everyone grows no matter your age.

We have started a jar for each person in the house, and at the end of each week we all write a challenge that we encountered during the week on a post it note, fold it up and put it in the jar.  At the end of the year we will be able to see all the challenges we have overcome and we can reflect on the flexibility we had to develop, resilience as we have grown, problem solving skills we had to develop and independence we demonstrated in order to overcome the 52 challenges.  So far the kids really like to discuss the challenges every Friday night at dinner – and you can see how chuffed they are; and they can see how you too have things you’re challenged by and how you overcome them. Win Win.

Much Love,
Alison xx