Weekly Wins 30: The Strength Of Routines

Isn’t it funny (?!) how lots of professionals (e.g. psychologists / counsellors / teachers) say that routines are king for neurodiverse kids, yet ADHD kids hate structure. Yep, they hate structure, BUT they NEED it because it’s familiar, it’s a structure that their brain has trouble creating, but loves when it’s there because it brings security and comfort. Interesting huh.

Parenting a neurodiverse child comes with its unique set of challenges and joys – all different for each neurodiverse child. From navigating sensory sensitivities to supporting communication and learning differences, parents of neurodiverse children often find themselves juggling multiple responsibilities and adapting to the ever-changing needs of their child. In the midst of this complexity, establishing and maintaining routines can be a game-changer, providing structure, predictability, and stability for both parents and children alike.

Why Routines Matter:

1. Sense of Security:
For neurodiverse children who may struggle with changes and transitions, routines provide a sense of security and stability in an otherwise unpredictable world. Knowing what to expect and when to expect it can help reduce anxiety and create a safe space where children feel supported and understood. This goes for adults too!! This is why people do better when they have a ‘morning routine’ or an ‘evening routine’!

2. Promotes Independence:
Routines empower neurodiverse children to develop independence and autonomy by providing a framework for daily activities and tasks. By following a consistent routine, children learn to navigate their environment more confidently and take ownership of their daily routines, such as getting ready for school or completing homework assignments. If the routine is written/drawn then it reduces mental load for the parents too, because it gives the kids something to follow.

3. Facilitates Communication:
Routines can serve as a communication tool for neurodiverse children who may struggle with verbal communication or expressing their needs and preferences. By establishing visual schedules or using picture cues to represent routine activities, parents can facilitate communication and help their child understand and anticipate daily events. This could also be in the format on a device, or simply drawn on a piece of paper – don’t make it fancy and complicated – it doesn’t need to be.

4. Supports Emotional Regulation:
Many neurodiverse children experience challenges with emotional regulation, such as meltdowns or sensory overload. Routines can help regulate emotions by providing a structured framework for managing transitions and coping with stressors. By incorporating calming activities or sensory breaks into their daily routines, parents can help their child navigate emotional ups and downs more effectively. I can’t stress enough the importance of incorporating these activities into daily routines for children AND adults – it’s usually the first thing that goes for adults when they are busy because these calming activities are deemed “not essential” such as colouring in / reading etc..

5. Enhances Learning:
Routines create opportunities for learning and skill development by incorporating consistent activities and routines into daily life. Whether it's practicing social skills during mealtime or engaging in sensory play as part of a bedtime routine, parents can use routines to reinforce learning goals and support their child's developmental progress. This can be bit by bit… In education land we call this the “spiralling curriculum” where you learn a little bit, then once you’ve got a grip of it, you learn a little more.

Tips for Establishing Routines:

1. Be Consistent:
Consistency is key when establishing routines for neurodiverse children. Stick to a consistent schedule and routine as much as possible, and communicate any changes or deviations in advance to minimise disruptions. This can be REALLY HARD if you too are neurodiverse, e.g. ADHD as being consistent can be really challenging for you, so…. (go to the next step!)

2. Start Small:
Begin by establishing simple, manageable routines and gradually build upon them over time. Focus on key areas of daily life, such as mealtimes, bedtime, and transitions, and tailor routines to meet your child's individual needs and preferences. Start with ONE thing for example, if you want your dinner times to be more ‘family orientated’ that bring togetherness then start with one child putting placemats on the table. Once this is embedded, move to putting the knives and forks out etc… by starting, (and continuing small) it helps to embed the new routine for both the neurodiverse kids and yourself if you’re neurodiverse. It also helps manage the amount of changes which can stress out neurodiverse individuals.

3. Use Visual Supports:
Visual supports, such as visual schedules, picture cues, or timers, can help neurodiverse children understand and follow routines more effectively. Use visual supports to represent routine activities and provide a visual roadmap for the day ahead. Don’t go wild though with stuff up around the place as that can then be sensorily overwhelming and anxiety inducing! It’s a fine line!

4. Be Flexible:
While routines provide structure and predictability, it's important to remain flexible and responsive to your child's changing needs and preferences. Be open to making adjustments to routines as needed and seek input from your child to ensure their needs are being met. If the system doesn’t work then it’ll be like ice skating up a hill and you’ll lose all motivation. Be flexible to taking on feedback that will ensure the goal is achieved, rather than “how you want it done”….. Mmmmmm that might be one to think on hey! 😉 Is it more important that they do it YOUR way, or that it gets DONE?

5. Celebrate Successes:
Celebrate small victories and milestones along the way as your child learns and grows within their routines. Acknowledge their efforts and progress, and provide praise and encouragement to reinforce positive behaviours and outcomes. I am still not great at this personally, but I see the growth in the kids self esteem and self confidence, so I persist! Their little chests puff out a little more when THEY see their milestones achieved!

By embracing the strength of routines, parents of neurodiverse children can create a supportive, nurturing environment where their child can thrive and flourish. With patience, consistency, and a willingness to adapt, routines can become a valuable tool for promoting stability, independence, and emotional well-being for both parents and children – don’t give up, it’s worth persisting!

In your household is one parent better at establishing routines, and one better at following them? Do you have routines? Do you feel overwhelmed at the thought of establishing them? Email me and let me know!

Much love,

Alison xx