Weekly Wins 38: Parenting Mindset: What you can control, and what you can't!

Parenting is complex to say the least! But when you’re raising neurodiverse and twice-exceptional children, the complexities become even more intricate. These parents often find themselves balancing multiple roles while managing unique needs that can feel overwhelming of which I can 100% empathise with! Understanding what we can and can't control as parents is crucial for cultivating a positive mindset and fostering a supportive environment for our children, and also, let’s face it, to keep ourselves SANE!

Understanding the Challenges

Neurodiverse children, including those with ADHD, autism, and other neurological variations, present unique challenges. Twice-exceptional (2e) children, who are both gifted and have a disability, add another layer of complexity. These children often have asynchronous development, where their intellectual abilities far exceed their emotional or physical development. This can lead to frustration, both for the child and the parent, as their needs and capabilities may not align.

Parents of neurodiverse and 2e children often face common challenges:

1. Behavioural Issues:
Managing meltdowns, hyperactivity, or anxiety can be exhausting.

2. Educational Needs:
Finding appropriate educational resources and advocating for their child's needs can also be exhausting.

3. Social Integration:
Helping their child navigate social interactions and build friendships is often a significant concern.

4. Emotional Strain:
The constant vigilance and advocacy can lead to parental burnout.

So, What Can We Control

Understanding what we can control helps parents focus their energy effectively and maintain a positive mindset. Here’s what a parent can control:

1. Creating a Supportive Environment:
Parents can create a nurturing and structured home environment that caters to their child's unique needs. This includes establishing routines, providing sensory-friendly spaces, and using positive reinforcement.

2. Educating Ourselves:
Knowledge is power. Parents can educate themselves about neurodiversity and twice-exceptionality, seeking out resources, attending workshops, and connecting with other parents facing similar challenges.

3. Advocacy:
Parents can advocate for their child's needs in educational settings, ensuring they receive appropriate accommodations and support. Building a strong relationship with teachers is essential.

4. Self-Care:
Taking care of oneself is crucial. Parents can prioritize their mental and physical health by setting aside time for self-care, seeking support from friends and family, and possibly engaging in therapy or support groups.

5. Mindset:
Cultivating a growth mindset, where challenges are viewed as opportunities for growth rather than insurmountable obstacles, can significantly impact the family dynamic. This positive outlook helps in dealing with setbacks and celebrating progress, no matter how small.

Accepting What We Can't Control

Recognising and accepting what we can't control is equally important to prevent feelings of helplessness and frustration:

1. Their Neurological Makeup:
Parents cannot change their child’s neurodiversity. Accepting their child’s neurological differences is the first step towards creating a supportive environment.

2. Others’ Reactions:
How others perceive or react to their child’s behaviour is beyond their control. Instead of focusing on changing others, parents can educate and raise awareness.

3. Immediate Outcomes:
Progress may be slow and not always visible. Parents need to accept that change takes time and patience is key.

4. All Challenges:
Not every problem can be solved or can be solved in the short term! Some challenges may persist, and it's important to focus on managing rather than eliminating them.

Building a Support Network

Having a robust support network is invaluable. Parents can connect with others who understand their journey through online communities such as our Village (www.theincrementalshift.com/thevillage). These connections provide a sense of belonging and shared understanding, making the journey less isolating.

By focusing on what we can control, educating ourselves, and building a supportive network, we can create an environment where our children feel valued and understood. Embracing a positive mindset and accepting the things we can't control allows us to navigate this journey with resilience and compassion, fostering genuine connections within the family and beyond.

How do you feel, honestly, about your parenting right now?  Positive/Negative/Exhausted?  Press reply and let me know.

Much love,

Alison xx