Weekly Wins 40: Father's Day

Dads play a crucial role in the family, offering guidance, support, and love. Celebrating Father's Day is an opportunity to acknowledge and appreciate them, good and quirky!

Over the years I have become far more close to my Dad than I was as a teen… all parents are so not cool at that age anyway! When I was diagnosed AuADHD a couple of years ago now, it all finally made sense! Dad was too! Suddenly, why he was SO rigid in his thinking, so routined and needed structure in his week became clear. In hindsight, my childhood with him as my dad made sense. We spent a lot of time in nature, he never came to school functions (except one), because he was “working”. This was valid, yes, he was working, but I suspect (not that I’ve asked him), but I suspect that he disliked social things, unless he was sure of the location / people / and all the other autistic concerns. Suddenly too, my awareness and understanding of my Grandfather (my dad’s dad) became crystal clear. This was both amazing and sad. Amazing, because I finally understood why he never came over, why it was a distant relationship I had with him and sad because, you only know what you know and when you know better you do better. I wish I had more time with him but with my adult brain to understand him! 

I digress, Father’s Day is coming up. This is an ode to the Dad’s, but especially the quirky, weird dads, likely autistic dads, like my dad who is just doing the best he can do with the knowledge he has.

I see you.

I see you eating your 5 different coloured fruits each day.

I see you neatly putting your shoes away when you take them off your feet.

I see you meticulously washing the dishes by hand.

I see you purchasing, with coins, the Sunday Mail religiously each Sunday.

I hear you.

I hear you giving out detail upon detail of a story.

I hear you stacking the dishwasher in the “right” order.

I hear you manipulating (in an autistic, not bad way!) the conversations (some taking days/weeks/months) to get to the outcome you wanted in the first place #rigidity!

I hear your dad jokes actually improving with age!

I feel you.

I feel your empathy when you see a worm on the footpath that is likely near death as you place it into the garden away from harms way.

I feel your sadness when you think of your parents and sprinkle their ashes or wonder where your dad’s ashes ended up.

I feel your compassion when you say that everyone is only doing their best they can.

I feel your contentness when you have your beer at 20 to 5, everyday.

And whilst you’re not perfect, you’re my perfect Dad and I love you.

And for the Dad’s and Grandfathers in my life who left the earth too soon…

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry you’re not here to see your children and grandchildren grow up.

I’m sad you’re not here to see them take their first steps, head off to school, get their first car.

I’m sad my children missed out on seeing what a good man is like.

I’m sad they missed out on a role model.

I’m sad they missed out on adventures with their Pa.

I’m grateful for the short time you were here with us.

I’m thankful for your values and morals you instilled in those who are still here.

Take home tips for you:

• Everyone is doing their best. Good people don’t intentionally wake up and think how they can screw up your day!
• Make time with your dad.
• Create memories and of course autistic routines  with them, meet them where they are at!
• Hear their stories, even if you’ve heard them before!
• Tell them you love them.
• Spend Father’s Day doing all the things Dad loves to do!
• And for those Dad’s / Grandfathers who are no longer here…. Talk about them with your kids! Celebrate their birthdays over a family dinner. Tell stories about your childhood to your kids.

I hope you have a beautiful Father’s Day weekend however you choose to cherish and celebrate the dads who are with us, and acknowledge and honour those that aren’t.

Much love,

Alison xx