Beyond the Award: Decoding the Impact of School Awards!

I received an email the other week from my child’s school. 

My child was to receive an award for academic excellence for this school year, the top mathematician in the year level.

My elation / joy / proud mum moment honestly, lasted a milli second.

My sadness / disappointment / mum heart ache was deep and longer lasting.

Here’s why.

Awards are great for SOME students, not all.

There are reasons why getting awards is the thing to do, such as, they:

1. Boost Confidence
2. Encourage Goal Setting
3. Develop Work Ethic
4. Foster a Growth Mindset
5. Enhance Motivation
6. Build a Sense of Pride
7. Strengthen Social Skills
8. Promote Healthy Competition
9. Provide External Validation
10. Encourage Lifelong Learning

There are reasons why getting awards are detrimental, such as, they:

1. Create Unhealthy Competition
2. Undermine Intrinsic Motivation
3. Encourage a Fixed Mindset
4. Exclude Some Students
5. May Foster Resentment
6. Overlook Individual Progress
7. Create Pressure and Anxiety
8. Limits Diverse Talents
9. Promote a Narrow Definition of Success
10. May Lead to Burnout

Now let’s add the neurodiverse layer to awards.

Awards to the neurodiverse, can provide:

1. Increased Anxiety: Neurodiverse children may experience heightened anxiety due to the pressure associated with receiving awards, exacerbating their existing challenges.
2. Social Comparison: Awards can intensify social comparison among neurodiverse children, leading to potentially more feelings of inadequacy or exclusion.
3. Mismatched Criteria: Neurodiverse children may excel in areas not typically recognized by traditional awards, leaving their unique strengths unnoticed or undervalued.
4. Sensory Overload: School award ceremonies, with bright lights and loud applause, may overwhelm neurodiverse children who are sensitive to sensory stimuli.
5. Difficulty with Change: The unpredictability of award ceremonies and the associated disruptions to routine can be particularly challenging for neurodiverse children who thrive on structure.
6. Communication Challenges: Neurodiverse children may struggle to understand or express their feelings about receiving awards, leading to frustration or internalized stress.
7. Impact on Self-Esteem: For neurodiverse children who may face daily struggles, not receiving awards can negatively impact self-esteem, reinforcing feelings of inadequacy.
8. Unintentional Social Isolation: Neurodiverse children may face difficulties in forming social connections, and awards can unintentionally contribute to their sense of isolation.
9. Limited Recognition of Progress: Neurodiverse children often make significant progress that may not be reflected in academic or traditional measures, making them feel undervalued.
10. Focus on Conformity: Awards may emphasise conformity to traditional standards, discouraging neurodiverse children from embracing their unique perspectives and strengths.

So what can parents do to support the neurodiverse, AND those that just DON’T seem to get awards no matter how they try to mould themselves….

Celebrate Small Wins: SUPER IMPORTANT!

• Recognise and celebrate small achievements and progress in various aspects of their lives. To be honest, a neurodiverse child with ADHD will much prefer celebrating small wins frequently than trying to stay on course for a year long or term long goal!  Plus, as indicated by my child below, sometimes the award is an anticlimax!
• Encourage a positive attitude toward personal growth and learning.

Emphasise Individual Strengths:

• Identify and emphasise the child's unique strengths and talents, recognising that these may not always align with traditional award criteria of the traditional schooling system.
• Foster an environment where diverse skills and abilities are valued.

Build a Supportive Network:

• Connect with other parents of neurodiverse children to share experiences and support.
• Create a sense of community for both parents and children to foster understanding and empathy.
• This is important, but even more important to ensure the support systems aren’t a whinge fest. They need to be productive and positive.

Open Communication: SUPER IMPORTANT!

• Maintain open and honest communication with your child about awards and recognition.
• Discuss their feelings and thoughts, validating their experiences without placing undue pressure on ‘winning’ awards.

Encourage Self-Advocacy:

• Teach your child to express their needs, preferences, and strengths to teachers and peers.
• Develop self-advocacy skills to empower them in educational settings.

Set Personal Goals:

• Collaborate with your child to set achievable personal goals that align with their interests and abilities.
• Focus on the journey of growth rather than external validation.

Provide Emotional Support: SUPER IMPORTANT!

•    Offer emotional support when facing disappointment or frustration.
•    Encourage resilience and help them navigate challenges with a positive mindset.

Explore Alternative Recognition:

• Seek out alternative forms of recognition within the community or extracurricular activities that align with your child's interests.
• Showcase achievements in non-academic areas, such as art, music, or sports.

I try to focus on three of the above:

Celebrating Small Wins: It does not have to be something purchased, it doesn’t not have to be something big.  Affirmation of the child doing their best might be spending 15 minutes reading to them at night, or a sneaky dessert, or just an extra long cuddle.

Open Communication, coupled with Providing Emotional Support: Empathise with them about how much it sucks to not receive an award.  Talk about the pros and cons.  Talk about alternatives to awards.  Talk about what awards look like when you’re an adult.

With parental awareness, deep empathy and understanding discussing this topic with your neurotypical and diverse kids can connect you even more and help them to build awareness, understanding, resilience and personal growth!  We discuss it every time one of my kids gets an award, and it’s a pretty popular theme in schools in Term 4 too in general. 

My eldest has received ONE award to date, in his whole schooling career (currently just finishing grade 7).  This award was from one of those life changing teachers who believed in him, his abilities and differences, and supported him as he was!  This child looks on to his younger sibling receiving awards left right and centre, and the next sibling doing all he can to please those around him to receive an award, and the youngest saying “Why do I want a piece of thick paper with a layer of plastic on top Mum?”

Ahhhh the beautiful world of neurodiversity!  They all need support in different ways, but hey, that’s parenting isn’t it!

Like most concerns, keep talking to your kids, keep asking them questions, keep on providing the empathy, and meet them where they are at!

Have a beautiful week!

Alison xx